4.11.2010

You Win One You Lose One

If finding me means losing you is it really worth it?

Along this journey called life I have found that one of the most difficult things for me to do is to find the balance of my growth and our growth. Sometimes these two things are going in opposite directions. In any relationship, it’s important that each person is a separate entity equipped with their own goals, accomplishments, friends, and private time. Blinding all of that together in a way that leaves both people “happy” can be damn near impossible. This I know first hand. I’m going through a breakup now. BTW, does anybody know why only the bad breakups end cut and dry and the good relationships seem to linger on forever?

My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought that I could grow more on my own instead in a relationship with her. I agreed. We both had gotten tired of bumping our heads on the same wall. However, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

So here I am trying to grow as an individual while failing as a boyfriend. Again.

The first thing I did was find something to take up all of my free time. I joined a gym near my job so that I can get a good workout instead of coming home to watch television every night. I started reading my bible on a daily basis to work on my spiritual health. Lastly, I have spent more time with friends that I neglected while in a relationship. People are telling me that I’m looking better, happier, and god-willing smaller. All of that is well and good but on the inside I feel empty.

I know it takes time to get over things but who is going to make me laugh, kiss me slow or hold my hand in public in the meantime?

3 comments:

Angela said...

Oh Krush! This really touched my heart. I know it is just as hard for her as it is for you. I must commend you both on being able to sit down and make the tough decision. It takes a big person to love you enough to let you go and allow you to grow into the person they know you can and deserve to be. This may not be the end for you two. Just a pause in the story. Sometimes the pauses are just what we need to see clearly and make it through.

shan said...

As time goes on, your wounds will heal. I've found that the time spent in solitude is the best. It is during that time where you really get to tune-in to self and discover the things that make you tick, the things that tick you off & new things about yourself that you never knew existed. Breaking up with someone is never easy, especially if the relationship feel apart based on a conflict of growth. Of course, there is the fear of being alone & those "non-holding" hand moments but in the end all will work out...it always does. However, don't look at it as a failure...there are no mistakes just chances that were taken. Enjoy the time being spent with self... & you never know this just maybe the break that you both needed to be able to come back to one another. No worries...you'll laugh again!

Skoolboi Krush said...

@Angela Yeah, I've thought about the possibility of a second act to our relationship. Only time will tell.

@Shan I feel you on the time spent alone and trying to get to better know myself. I appreciate the words of encourage me.